How to get more confidence, and keep it

I recently listened to a webinar organised by Leeds Uni, and hosted by a lady called Rhian Sherrington. It got me thinking. What even is confidence? Some people describe it as a set of beliefs about yourself, others may say its the ability to overcome fear and do it anyway. It’s probably a mixture of things, but the underlying factor in all of this is your mindset and your mental resilience.

Here’s how it works. We are on a continuous mind-body feedback loop. We sense fear, which increases our pulse rate and decreases the oxygen levels in our body, this then changes our mindset and we see a decrease in our cognitive processing. Once we start to notice that we can no longer think as clearly, our confidence levels become lower, and the cycle starts again. Be aware of it, and if you feel yourself getting anxious, take deep breaths. Honestly, it works.

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not stay at home and think about it! Go out and get busy.”

Dale Carnegie

There’s a big difference between confidence and competence. It’s in our nature to judge people by their behaviour, we see someone who projects confidence through providing lots of information, or having a relaxed and clear tone of voice, but don’t be fooled. The big loud voice in the room isn’t always the smartest, there is no simple maths equation to this, the most confident absolutely does not mean the most competent. Equally, when you hear a loud voice, try your best to say out of your shell. We can change depending on our surroundings, and even more so in social environment. I don’t care who is shouting over you, do not let that change how you see yourself and your abilities.

“Confidence is the stuff that turns thoughts into action.”

Richard Petty

The Confidence Gap

There are many things that affect our confidence levels, and they fluctuate depending on the context. It could be an emotional influence, and this now plays into the argument of the genders. We all know that women are the more emotional gender by nature, and this can play a huge part on our confidence. Women naturally have lower confidence and we hold back, whereas men generally over estimate their abilities, and they are not afraid to talk about their successes. Female on the other hand, play down our successes. Yes, the workforce is shifting, and we are not more aware of the skills and value that women bring into the workforce.* On the other hand, men are quite often are more angered and become more aggressive. This equally needs to be dealt with before it plays its part. We all need to learn to be okay with our emotions, learn how to deal with them, and learn how to put our game face back on.

When we’re feeling confident, we’re more outgoing, we think more positively, our messages at work come across with passion and our ideas and arguments are convincing. Not just that, but we’re a lot better to be around and people are more likely to want to work with you.

Checklist to more confidence

• Listen to the stories you are telling yourself about you. If they’re negative, or lack confidence, re-write them.

• Take a look at your body language. Are you closed off? If you are, try power posing, a concept developed by Amy Buddy, it has massive influence on how we feel about ourselves.

• Give yourself realistic goals to aim for, there’s absolutely no point in setting yourself up to feel like you’re only going to fail

• Listen less to your inner critic, it can be one of our biggest barriers in life

We’re not going to feel confident every minute of every day. There’s going to be times when you put those skinny jeans on and they feel a bit snug, when an advert on TV makes you cry or when you go to bed at 8pm and eat a full tub of Ben & Jerry’s to yourself. That is totally fine and I fully recommend you do that every now and again.

But no matter how many times you feel knocked down, you get back up again, put your crown back on, and always wear your game face.

Charlie Farlie x

References

Rhian Sherrington - Career Farm

@choose2flourish

*Davies Report