The tricky 'Gender equality' balance no one can seem to crack

I had a 3 hour meeting today about the strategy for the Gender Equality Network at my current place of work, and to be honest, most of the things I learnt or observed were the behaviours from the people within the room, rather than the actual content we were discussing.

One observation was of a male commenting on a woman throwing something across the room. He said "that was a good throw, I'm impressed!" Now, I am 99% sure that male meant absolutely no harm by that comment, he champions gender equality consistently, but what's interesting is that I also think he had no awareness of this.

The passive comments that continue to feed the culture of unconscious sexism can only be changed by us. There is no law, no policy, no HR contract, that will make that change. It is the sole responsibility of the individual to call out the language and the characteristics that undermine a person in any way. Delivering this message in the right way is important, but what is even more important, is that if someone does come to you with this type of call out, you listen. You have an open, honest and secure conversation and no one is backed into a corner for their view. Change will happen when people come together and learn from each other's views respectfully.

"Privilege is invisible to those who have it"

A second observation I had is the uneven balance and tip towards blaming men today for the patriarchy they were born into. I have probably done this myself many times, I listen to various podcasts that call this out, and read many articles, however men of today should not have the finger pointed at them. No man is born believing they are greater than a female, that happens through nurture and what society has taught men to believe and behave. No mansplaining allowed.

We do have many great men who champion and practice gender equality, but often fall short in understanding the deep rooted historic journey that women have come on that continue to duel the fire within us, and the barriers that still exist. The gender equality issue is not yet fixed, and still has some way to go. Equally, women must understand that man-hating because of their historic privilege is not going to bring them on the equality journey with us.

"We must diminish the idea that feminism equals man-hating."

Nevertheless, the stats add up:

- Women view themselves and are viewed on deliverables, whereas men are viewed on potential

- Women do not have the confidence to negotiate their pay

- We have few women in senior management positions

- Even fewer make it to the very top, we have more CEO's named John in the UK than we have female CEO's

- Equal pay, or unequal pay in this case, is a real thing - that's women being paid less for exactly the same job as men

- The gender pay gap is a complete bullshit stat that only represents the job disparity from junior to senior level in men and women

- Women suffer from under confidence significantly more than the average man

- Women do twice as much house work as men, and three times more childcare duties

As a result of all of this, researchers have recently published feminist literature and theory, and organisations have built female oriented networks that focus on developing character traits in women that previous experiences have failed to develop. It's a catch-up game. However if we want to be gender equal, we must be conscious of the isolating impact and threat of imposing reverse discrimination this may have on men. Men need to come on this journey too, and they need to be taught that gender equality is equally beneficial.

I'm still trying the crack the code, I'll let you know when I find the winning combination.

"When men share housework and childcare, their children do better in school, are happier and healthier. It's not a zero sum game, it's a win win for everyone"

Finally, I'll leave this fantastic Ted Talk with you, a MUST watch for everyone: https://www.ted.com/talks/michael_kimmel_why_gender_equality_is_good_for_everyone_men_included#t-946000

Charlie Farlie x